The Top 17 Signs You're at a Bad Renaissance Festival

[AngieP]

17 The castle and village are made entirely of Legos.




16 Turkey leg bears striking resemblance to Cocker Spaniel leg.




15 Festival activities include "Ye Olde Wet T-Shirt Contest.



"
14 Eight minute drum solo in the middle of "Greensleeves.



"
13 "Belly up to the bar, me lad, for some grilled mahi-mahi and fresh
California Roll!"
12 Ye Old Glassblower makes nothing but crack pipes.




11 The meade is served in a coconut shell with a Fizzy straw.




10 Everyone seems to have attended the Kevin Costner School of British
Accents.




9 Mosh pit follows the wandering minstrels.




8 You get charged 5 bucks to take a leak behind Ye Olde Hedge.




7 Guillotine exhibit closed due to pending litigation.




6 Friar Tuck's pager keeps going off.




5 Weaponsmith only sells handguns.




4 Disgusting Ogre is merely an unshaved Marlon Brando.




3 "Tarry, wench, I prithee! Wouldst thou Macarena?"
2 Merlin the Magician's only trick is "Got your nose!"

and the Number 1 Sign You're at a Bad Renaissance Festival...

1. Jousting Crips & Bloods.

[Nunyafb]

Very funny, Angie!

That truly would be a sad Merlin if that's the only trick he knew.

[Norberto]

Absolutely hilarious Angie!

Although, I would have to disagree with #15, somewhat. :)

[LADY LESLEY]

That Was Great Thanks For Posting

[Sir Martin]

Cute stuff, Angie. :D Thanks

[cwfluke]

rotfl! Thanks!

[AngieP]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I think it would be fun if we added to the list.

I'll go first...

If everyone yells Wazzzup instead of Hazzah!

[Nunyafb]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I think it would be fun if we added to the list.

I'll go first...

If everyone yells Wazzzup instead of Hazzah!

You can rent "Star Wars" costumes outside the gates.

[Norberto]

You can rent a gorilla costume outside the gates.

[Nunyafb]

You can rent a gorilla costume outside the gates.

Do they have Gerbil and Ferret costumes for the furries?

[Norberto]

Do they have Gerbil and Ferret costumes for the furries?

No, it's bring your own gerbil.

[AngieP]

Awww Shucks!!! I really wanted to be a gerbil too :( Oh well!!! lol

[Norberto]

The Executioner and village idiot also provide child day care services.

[Nunyafb]

Mad Dog 20/20 is the finest wine to be found anywhere on the grounds.

[Norberto]

Opening ceremonies start off with, "Four score, and seven years ago!"

[Norberto]

The "drench a wench" dunking event is actually hot boiling oil !!:eek:

[Norberto]

If and when you arrive at Fest and you hear Nuny say, "What, ... No beer?"

[Nunyafb]

If and when you arrive at Fest and you hear Nuny say, "What, ... No beer?"

I would immediately turn around and go home. (no matter how far I had driven):D

[Norberto]

I would immediately turn around and go home. (no matter how far I had driven):D

LOL!!!! That's what I thought!!!

[AngieP]

INstead of traditional mead they sell vegan synthasized "I cant believe its not honey" Mead.

[Nunyafb]

INstead of traditional mead they sell vegan synthasized "I cant believe its not honey" Mead.

Good one Angie!! LOL!! :D

[Norberto]

When you arrive at the Fest gate and they say, "Lords to the right, Ladies to the left". :eek:

[philpot]

Or you walk up to the gate and see a banner with a new corporate sponser,

Depends' Bladder Control, with the tag line What's under your Kilt?

[Nunyafb]

Or you walk up to the gate and see a banner with a new corporate sponser,

Depends' Bladder Control, with the tag line What's under your Kilt?

LOL!!!! Way to go Phil!:D

[AngieP]

OH Phil you gave me a good giggle!

[Norberto]

There you go Philpot!!!! We were waiting for your input.

We knew you would come up with a good one!!!!

Bert

[Norberto]

When a woman appears and says she loves a man with a beard, and presses his face against her massive cleavage, but she's got a beard too! :eek:

[Nunyafb]

When a woman appears and says she loves a man with a beard, and presses his face against her massive cleavage, but she's got a beard too! :eek:

Thank goodness the one that did it to me had no facial hair. There wasn't even any five o'clock shadow, so I'm about 99.999% sure she was a female. :)

[Norberto]

Thank goodness the one that did it to me had no facial hair. There wasn't even any five o'clock shadow, so I'm about 99.999% sure she was a female. :)

We'll take your word for it. ;)

[Ottheinrich]

When a woman appears and says she loves a man with a beard, and presses his face against her massive cleavage, but she's got a beard too! :eek:

I want pictures of that:p

[philpot]

You make plans to attend “Pirates Weekend”, get your best Pirates garb on, and when you arrive you realize you’re the only one not wearing a Tampa Bay Buccaneer’s Jersey.

[Norberto]

I want pictures of that:p

You'll have to talk to Nuny about that. :D

[Nessa]

When the jousting field has "Ye Olde Stadium Lights"

[Nunyafb]

When the jousting field has stadium lights

That's definitely a sign of a bad renaissance festival.

Welcome to the forums, Nessa!

[Nessa]

The Knights of the Round Table's most trusted stead is a BMW Isetta.

[philpot]

And with today's gas prices, it is being pulled by a mule . . .

[EngineeringE]

The Beefeaters are a Mariachi band.

[Sir Martin]

The Beefeaters are a Mariachi band.

Heh heh ... welcome to Dragon's Quest, EngineeringE!

[AngieP]

The Beefeaters are a Mariachi band.

Welcome and yes that would definitely be a sign of a bad faire.

[Sir Martin]

When the girl in the Drench A Wench booth has an adam's apple . . . :eek:

[Norberto]

When the girl in the Drench A Wench booth has an adam's apple . . . :eek:

Good one Sir Martin!!! You wouldn't be talking about, ......... never mind.

[Nunyafb]

When the girl in the Drench A Wench booth has an adam's apple . . . :eek:

Never mind the five o'clock shadow.:eek:

[Rapier Half-Wit]

Never mind the five o'clock shadow.:eek:

...and the 19 inch biseps.

[Nunyafb]

...and the 19 inch biseps.

Woah, now that's a scary picture!

[Rapier Half-Wit]

Woah, now that's a scary picture!

Hey, you started it with the comment about the 5 o'clock shadow.

[shudder]

[Nunyafb]

Hey, you started it with the comment about the 5 o'clock shadow.

[shudder]

Really, I guess we should both be blaming Martin for this horrible vision.

[Norberto]

Really, I guess we should both be blaming Martin for this horrible vision.

Don't worry Nuny. You know this person. Remember, she smothered you one time at Fest.

[Rapier Half-Wit]

Don't worry Nuny. You know this person. Remember, she smothered you one time at Fest.

Ok Nuny, here's where you claim 'don't ask, don't tell'. :D ;)

[Nunyafb]

Ok Nuny, here's where you claim 'don't ask, don't tell'. :D ;)

She definitely didn't have an Adam's apple, beard, 5 o'clock shadow, or even peach fuzz. Her figure was very girlish and her voice sounded entirely feminine. So, as far as I know, minus doing the Mick "Crocodile" Dundee "Sheila Check", I'm about 99.9% sure that she was a female.

I guess she could have been freshly shaven though.:eek:

[Rapier Half-Wit]

She definitely didn't have an Adam's apple, beard, 5 o'clock shadow, or even peach fuzz. Her figure was very girlish and her voice sounded entirely feminine. So, as far as I know, minus doing the Mick "Crocodile" Dundee "Sheila Check", I'm about 99.9% sure that she was a female.

I guess she could have been freshly shaven though.:eek:

not
going
to
comment
must
keep
mouth
shut

[Nunyafb]

not
going
to
comment
must
keep
mouth
shut

Woah, I see what you mean. I guess I could have worded that last sentence differently. Hmmm, maybe I should have left it out completely.

[AngieP]

All this goes to prove one thing........ even when we get our minds out of the gutters we cant seem to get the gutters out of our minds :rolleyes:

[Norberto]

All this goes to prove one thing........ even when we get our minds out of the gutters we cant seem to get the gutters out of our minds :rolleyes:

A round of applause!

I love it!!

[Norberto]

Woah, I see what you mean. I guess I could have worded that last sentence differently. Hmmm, maybe I should have left it out completely.

Nuny, "freshly shaven" sounds ... somewhat.... strange. Not going to get into specifics, but I think you know what I mean. LOL!!!

[Nunyafb]

All this goes to prove one thing........ even when we get our minds out of the gutters we cant seem to get the gutters out of our minds :rolleyes:

That is good! LOL!! In my case it doesn't help that I come from a long line of gutter brains.;)

[Nunyafb]

Nuny, "freshly shaven" sounds ... somewhat.... strange. Not going to get into specifics, but I think you know what I mean. LOL!!!

Definitely!

[Norberto]

That is good! LOL!! In my case it doesn't help that I come from a long line of gutter brains.;)

Well, at least you don't have gutter balls!!

In bowling, of course....

(wanna make sure Rapier doesn't get offended)

[Asterixgm]

When there are more vendors than patrons and when you can part at the far end of the faire, walk to the opposite end of the faire and arm your car alarm.. Both of these I did at Four Winds a few years ago..lol

[Nunyafb]

When there are more vendors than patrons and when you can part at the far end of the faire, walk to the opposite end of the faire and arm your car alarm.. Both of these I did at Four Winds a few years ago..lol

Man, that is pretty bad.

[Asterixgm]

Man, that is pretty bad.

Tell me about it.. When I go to faire I get there before opening and stay till closing...I drove 6 hours one way and stayed an hour and a half. Couldn't stand any more. Something should have told me when 1 day tickets were 10.00 and season tickets were 20.00 lol

[Rapier Half-Wit]

All this goes to prove one thing........ even when we get our minds out of the gutters we cant seem to get the gutters out of our minds :rolleyes:

My mind is not in the gutter...it's about 3 feet above that. :D

[Nunyafb]

Tell me about it.. When I go to faire I get there before opening and stay till closing...I drove 6 hours one way and stayed an hour and a half. Couldn't stand any more. Something should have told me when 1 day tickets were 10.00 and season tickets were 20.00 lol

Yeah, I don't blame you, I think I would have left pretty quick myself. I guess though, most fairs start off small and hope to be popular enough to grow larger as the years go by. I noticed that Four Winds has a section over at R/F, so I assume that the fair is still in operation. I wonder how much Four Winds has grown since your visit?

[Nunyafb]

My mind is not in the gutter...it's about 3 feet above that. :D

Watch out for banana peels!:D

[philpot]

Tell me about it.. When I go to faire I get there before opening and stay till closing...I drove 6 hours one way and stayed an hour and a half. Couldn't stand any more. Something should have told me when 1 day tickets were 10.00 and season tickets were 20.00 lol


Ok so which fair was that ?

[Sir Martin]

Ok so which fair was that ?

I'm pretty sure Asterixgm was talking about Four Winds Ren Faire in Tyler. It is a small, family oriented faire and I understand they don't allow bawdiness on the level that TRF does. Everyone enjoys different things. Asterixgm didn't enjoy it too much but Ottheinrich did. I haven't been to Four Winds so I can't offer any person insight.

[Nunyafb]

I'm pretty sure Asterixgm was talking about Four Winds Ren Faire in Tyler. It is a small, family oriented faire and I understand they don't allow bawdiness on the level that TRF does. Everyone enjoys different things. Asterixgm didn't enjoy it too much but Ottheinrich did. I haven't been to Four Winds so I can't offer any person insight.

It's not too surprising that Tyler would be home to a family oriented faire. I think that I've heard the area is considered the bible belt of Texas. (not that there's anything wrong with that) I also believe that the county where Tyler is located is dry.

[Asterixgm]

Ok so which fair was that ?

Four Winds in Tyler. Before I went there a couple of years ago, I had never heard of it. I figured hey great another faire I can go to! Was living in Louisiana back then and I packed up the car and drove 6 hours to it. I figured it would be similiar to the Louisiana Ren Faire in size etc until I got there. I was disappointed to say the least.

[Asterixgm]

I'm pretty sure Asterixgm was talking about Four Winds Ren Faire in Tyler. It is a small, family oriented faire and I understand they don't allow bawdiness on the level that TRF does. Everyone enjoys different things. Asterixgm didn't enjoy it too much but Ottheinrich did. I haven't been to Four Winds so I can't offer any person insight.

I guess I got spoiled on Scarby and TRF. My expectations were set at tad bit high for Four Winds. They did try and put on a good performance. I guess maybe the 6 hour drive and high expectations could have impacted my outlook on them also.

[Rapier Half-Wit]

I guess I got spoiled on Scarby and TRF. My expectations were set at tad bit high for Four Winds. They did try and put on a good performance. I guess maybe the 6 hour drive and high expectations could have impacted my outlook on them also.

TRF is the largest (and the best) faire in the country, and Scarby is the next largest at just over half the size of TRF. I imagine that anything else can't be anything BUT a disappointment.

Sorry, just my opinion.

[Norberto]

TRF is the largest (and the best) faire in the country, and Scarby is the next largest at just over half the size of TRF. I imagine that anything else can't be anything BUT a disappointment.

Sorry, just my opinion.

I agree. Just visited Scarby for the first time this past May. Very nice, but not like our beloved TRF.

[LADY LESLEY]

i Agree. Just Visited Scarby For The First Time This Past May. Very Nice, But Not Like Our Beloved Trf.

I Have Been To Scarby Twice Now And I Also Agree It Is Nice But Nowwhere Near As Nice As Trf, And I Also Believe, Imho Trf Has the most Friendly Cast And Patrons

[Sir Martin]

I guess I got spoiled on Scarby and TRF. My expectations were set at tad bit high for Four Winds. They did try and put on a good performance. I guess maybe the 6 hour drive and high expectations could have impacted my outlook on them also.

It's understandable how you felt considering the expectation of a faire on a much grander scale. Good news is we can always check on the R/F forum and there are people from all over the country who can supply us with info on their home faires. From what I remember though, (before the site was damaged) Four Winds didn't have much in the way of information. There were very few people who had been there and posted on R/F. I have some friends who live up there and might stop in next year to visit (they asked me if I would like to go to Four Winds with them). I might give it a shot but won't expect it to be an all day affair. :)

[Sir Martin]

As far as Scarby ... it is a totally delightful faire and I will definitely be going back. It might not be as large as TRF, but it is much larger than other faires I have attended (FlaRF, BARF, Excalibur). Since TRF was the only ren faire I went to for many years, I kinda got spoiled. ;)

[Asterixgm]

I Have Been To Scarby Twice Now And I Also Agree It Is Nice But Nowwhere Near As Nice As Trf, And I Also Believe, Imho Trf Has the most Friendly Cast And Patrons

I agree Scarby isn't as huge or nice LL but to me it seems more homey and friendly than TRF. Don't get me wrong, TRF is what I consider my home faire and I love going as much as I can but Scarby to me seemed to be more friendly. Maybe it's just big ehough to where you get to know more people without being overwhelming. I do like the layout/trees/shade at Scarby more though, since I'm in that heavy black leather armor all day long lol..:D

[Sir Martin]

I do like the layout/trees/shade at Scarby more though, since I'm in that heavy black leather armor all day long lol..:D

Scarby does have a nice amount of shade, especially over the beautiful and romantic bridges. They also have the misting bridge and a couple shoppes have misters also. I'm surprised that we don't se some of those at TRF, considering the heat we have (and also that it couldn't possibly cost too much to install them). Of course, you wouldn't want to get under a mister in leather or a few other garb materials.:)

[Norberto]

Scarby does have a nice amount of shade, especially over the beautiful and romantic bridges. They also have the misting bridge and a couple shoppes have misters also. I'm surprised that we don't se some of those at TRF, considering the heat we have (and also that it couldn't possibly cost too much to install them). Of course, you wouldn't want to get under a mister in leather or a few other garb materials.:)

Nothing worse than a wet furry in chainmail...... :eek:

I noticed Scarby did not turn them on until later in the day. Smart move on their part, costwise.